State of My State

I have to interview some people for some magazine articles I have to write by the end of the week, and since it's neither my forte and since I'm a little rusty, I thought I'd experiment on, well...Me.

Self-Centered Magazine: So, D, you've been pretty busy lately. What do you attribute all this activity to?

Me: Well, I've just been trying to hone the craft. Practice makes perfect. I've been trying some different things and experimenting with some different styles here and there. If I'm ever going to get paid at this, I'm going to have to be ready when the phone rings. By the way, you should've said 'To what do you attribute all this activity?'

Self-Centered Magazine: (Um..whatever!) What else is new with you? It seems like frustration has been a common theme in some of your recent work.

Me: Well, the new day job has been a bit challenging, but I'm not ready to throw in the towel yet. I've worked with the people before, so it's kind of comfortable and the technology is really cool, so it's exciting. On the flip-side though, while really cool, the technology is also pretty complicated so it's no walk in the park. I've been having to put in some serious time just to keep my head above water. Most of the time, I feel like I'm about to take a midterm in college, and I have to cram just to understand.(Hey..didn't MC Lyte have a song like that?) But, hopefully it will all be worth it in the end. Start-ups always have that allure. They make it look interesting enough and there's always that chance that it'll explode and then you are taking vacations in St. Tropez and chillin' with Tiger Woods in the clubhouse at a golf tournament in Dubai.

Self-Centered Magazine: If you could interview anybody, who would it be and why?

Me: Well, I'm not exactly clamoring to interview somebody because that's not my thing yet. I'm still trying to figure it out. I'd much prefer just hangin' out with somebody, in their element and just chatting. I figure they'd give up the goods if they're comfortable and that way I can feel more confident that they're not giving me canned answers. That said, I've long said that I'd like to have dinner with some really out there cats like former Yugoslavian despot Milosevic, and George W. Bush, and maybe Mr. Ahmadinejad from Iran. This is assuming that I could get these cats to just give it to me straight over a cold one or something. No cameras, no political posturing...I'd just like to know what they really think. If they actually did embrace and enjoy all of the killing of certain peoples and denouncing based on religious or ethnic reasons, that's fine, I'd just like to hear it from them and not from some news channel that I can't really trust. That way, at least I could make my own opinions on what to think about these people, and the world, instead of CNN or Fox News telling me what I should think. On a happier note, I'd like to talk to somebody like Rick Reilly (Sports Illustrated) or Juan Williams (Author, Journalist, NPR correspondent) or the late Ossie Davis or the late Ralph Ellison would've been cool to talk to as well. It would be neat to just hear their perspectives on the world.

SCM: No sports figures? No musicians?

Me: Well, I'm not terribly intrigued by any sports figures, at least not for anything that they do on the field. If I did happen upon any of those cats, it would probably be far more interesting to see what they do in their down time. As far as musicians go, I'd have to step my game up a little bit and learn some more lingo, or maybe start playing again myself. What those guys do REALLY amazes me, because I can't do it. I may be able to play an instrument (piano) but I'm completely in the dark as to how you compose a song. What they do is like WOW!

SCM: Well, on that note, here's your MTV/Vibe Magazine type question--What's in your changer right now?

Me: Well, I think I've got Curtis Mayfield's Superfly Soundtrack, Jill Scott's first and latest CD's, Ledisi's latest, Jay-Z's Black Album ("..i solemnly swear, to change my approach....OH NO!"), and a jazz CD by the Artis family that I met in a place called Haleiwa on the North Shore in Oahu, Hawaii. They're a really talented bunch, but you have to go there to see them because they don't leave the island. They probably won't even leave that town too often.

SCM: Did you watch the Academy Awards? Did you have any favorites?

Me: No, I missed them on account of (sorry, I 'm having a 'Leave it to Beaver' moment) I was laboring up and down the basketball court with a handful of my has-been friends, getting eliminated from our old-man league playoff game. I'm not usually one for award shows. In fact, I dislike them about as much as reality shows. However, the Academy Awards are usually fairly entertaining though. John Stewart ain't bad, but Billy Crystal's my guy so I always tuned in when he was doing it. A friend of mine usually has this A-list party at her house where people gather around several TV's and munch on pizza and hors d'oevres while yelling at the screen when their favorite movie doesn't win, but I didn't get an invite this year.(It must've been lost in the mail. BTW, the "A" in A-list is due more to her name starting with A than say Denzel or Brad Pitt being on-hand. How else do you think I'd get invited?). Favorites? Well, I haven't seen too many movies lately, but I had a feeling that Daniel Day Lewis would win. That guy is like Tiger Woods in golf, or Carl Lewis (no relation) in the Long Jump. If they're in the competition, the other guys are really nervous.

SCM: What's the best thing you've eaten lately?

Me: Well, I haven't had any "Oh my GOD!" type dining experiences later...at least not at one particular places. For cheap eats...let's see. I had some good 99 cent fish tacos in San Diego a few weeks ago. My Superbowl hot wings were a big hit (the store bought ones from Wing Stop placed right next to them were not touched) and the escoveitch fish at the Back-a-yard Grill near my job is always a nice Friday afternoon treat. The food at Jojo's Country French Kitchen was pretty good and surprisingly filling. Even the mussels weren't bad and you can't usually get me within 10 feet of those things. I expect to do some good eating on my next trip. I can't wait to eat some good Cuban food in Miami on Tuesday and I'm sure they'll have something delicious in Turks and Caicos. On the flip-side, I do distinctly remember one of the more disappointing experiences I've had lately. I went to a place in the Central Valley called Giorgio's that had just lost their chef a week prior to my visit (big warning sign...that I chose to ignore...too much faith in the sous chef, perhaps). Well, they tried to pass off some Campbell's Tomato as lobster bisque and an It's-It ice cream as gelato. No, I didn't have on my Boo-boo the Fool t-shirt on that day either.

SCM: Well, D, we wish you luck in the pursuit of...well...the pursuit! Any last things you'd like to add.

Me: Yes. Is this camera on? (I turn to face the camera instead of the interviewer. This was a joint venture junket between the Travel Channel, the Food Network and SCM magazine. Byron Allen was even on-hand...but..um...he was sick the day they interviewed me). I will write for food. Living like a starving artist is for the birds. Please send donations to 1-5-1...

SCM: We're out of time. Good luck.

Me: Wait! I was just about to launch into my shameless self-promotion. Wait!....WAIT!!!

Camera is turned on its side and microphone makes a loud, piercing sound as it hits the floor...