My main man Murphy...

ME:What up, Murph? Where ya been, Dawg?

MURPH: Chillin’. Sup witchu?

Me: you know...nothin’…loungin’…hangin’ in there. Everything is everything.


Murph: Word.

This trip was supposed to be quick-in, quick-out as we planned to surprise and delight our customer, and leave with a purchase order in hand. On paper, it was a great plan. What could go wrong? That’s okay, I hadn’t touched base with my old pal Murph in awhile anyway. We needed to catch up. That used to be my dude! We were tight. But, you know how it is. Some friends, you have to love from a distance. I can do bad on my own. Murph’s an iiight cat, but, well, you know. He’s always got that dark cloud hangin’ over his head. Even if it’s 90 degrees with clear blue skies and you’ve got some money in your pocket, and you’ve got a job, and your belly is full, you can’t help but get a little uneasy when he shows up. He heard I was headed back to the Midwest again this week, and decided he might want to roll.

Murph: Yo…you got room? Is it cool? Can I roll?I’ll put in.

Me: Free country, Dawg. You sure you’re free? I thought you had some other places to be this week? There’s an election going on. It’s rivalry week. The Celtics are playing the Clippers. I know the folks in Tinseltown would love it if you gave them a hand. Especially with K.G. out and all. How was the Superbowl, by the way?

Murph: It was cool. I’m a little burnt though…all the hype n’ stuff. I need to get outta the spotlight for a minute. Ridgeville Corners sounds like a good place for a playa to cool out on the low-low.

Me: Yeah…. Whateva. You do your thing. I ‘m gonna be busy, so perhaps I’ll holla atcha later.

Murph: iiiight den…

What’s the worst that could happen? I’m going to be busy workin’ and he can find something to do. He’s a big boy. Besides, my gig was airtight. I had a tough time at this customer site a few weeks ago, but he had plenty of testing in between back at the office, and had set up the system back at the office. It worked. We put it in the box, and all we were going to do was un-box it and put it together at the customer’s site so that they could use it in their network. It was a foolproof plan on paper. On paper. Did I say that? Never mind that. It was going to work. I was even bringing backup . I had one of the guys that built the machine and wrote the code for it. I was a lock. I was as certain as death and taxes (and my jumpshot…well, not lately). I’m sittin’ here at 18-0 like Tom Brady, with Randy Moss by my side.

Murph: you think you’re NIIIIIICE today, huh? You know that saying about , ‘that’s why they play the games…'?

Me: (wink and a nod). I got this. Why you gotta bring that up? It worked last week in the office. We’re just plugging it in somewhere different.

Murph: In the words of NBA legend John Lucas, “It’s a lot different when dem lights come on, Hoss.”

Me: (cutting my eyes and sucking my teeth). You can chalk this one up. It’s a wrap.

Well, you already know about my challenges yesterday. Murph thought he had me, but I can hit the curve now. I worked hard and I keep my weight on my back foot. I can’t be had by no “okie doke”. Murph’s a funny dude though. Always up to something. He stood by idly as I got the exit row, but his poker face sold him out when I looked his direction when the flight was delayed.

Murph: What??? (shrugging)

The rain was a nice touch though. I had prepared for snow and bitter cold,. He made like a baby rattlesnake here though, unable to control the amount of venom packed in his punch. A little rain wouldn’t have been that big of a deal. After all, it was surprisingly about 60 degrees when I landed in Dayton. But this was 40 days and 40 nights style. Hertz should’ve rented me a 35 foot Bertram instead of a Taurus. Ohio just so happened to get the worst flooding they’ve had in years. And they had to get it THIS week! No biggie. It’s not like I’m going to be outside trying to get a tan. I’m not in wireless anymore. I won’t be on the roof of some tall building cursing each raindrop as it hits the back of my neck.

I gotta give it to him fo the alarm clock mis-hap too. We both just smiled about that one. My surprisingly cumbersome Motorola Q “smart” phone isn’t smart enough to adjust to the timezone when it comes online, like just about every other cell phone I’ve ever had, so when I set my alarm, it was still based on West Coast time. I woke up an hour late. It’s cool though. The hardest part of this day would be figuring out where to find a qualify meal for my celebratory dinner on the way back from this triumphant customer visit. I’d be in and out in no more than 3 hours. Shoot…I might even get a workout in at the hotel today. I could already smell the cork from the red wine as the waiter looked on awaiting my approval as I sat at the table with the white table cloth in my lap.

Me: (to no one in particular…just thinking aloud)Tom Brady…you’ve just won your 4th Superbowl…what are you gonna do now? I’m goin’ to Disneyland..

Murph: (in his best 1972 Miami Dolphins Running Back Mercury Morris impression) Don’t call when you’re in my neighborhood, call me when you get to my block. (and then laughing a sly laugh as he grinned his sly grin)

Fourteen is the new 3…hours that is, and it turns out that "wrap" comes from the Greek word for F.U.B.A.R. which was originally derived from the latin root for certainty which actually means totally the opposite of what you think it does. The flooding rain turned to snow. My white table cloth dinner with red wine turned to a charred (yeah, the lady at the 24hour truckstop Subway restaurant didn’t set the alarm on my toasted sandwich) sweet onion teriyaki sandwich with sun chips and orange juice at 145am. As if things couldn't get any worse, after driving 150 miles I arrived at my hotel where I would ring up charges of $117 for sleeping there a grand total of 2 hours and 35 minutes.

Me: iiight den, Murph. Holla atcha boy. (Translation: I’ll see you later, unless I see you first). Hey, you heard that one about 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?