Tuesday Two-step

I'm not sure what I was going to write here. It's a full two weeks later now and I'm enjoying a rare drug free and relatively pain free moment. I'm trying to briefly capitalize on it and jot down a few thoughts while I'm able. Let's see, a Tuesday 2-step. Perhaps I was on my way to work after working out at the gym. Maybe once at work, I 2-stepped my way around doing anything too strenous and then 2-stepped, or perhaps more appropriately side-stepped my way out a side door to get an early jump on traffic.

I was undoubtedly operating from a position of sleep deprivation as seems to be the norm these days. Step one could've been waking up at some obscene hour and laying there with my eyes closed pretending that I could actually fall back asleep if I just concentrated. Step 2 was likely my trying to fight through the urge to get up and go to the bathroom again (the meds make my kidneys quite active) for fear that I would definitely not be able to sleep again.

Electric

"I've got something really amazing to share with you..."

Ain't no sunshine...

This constant fatigue is a killer. Not only can I hardly muster up the energy to complete a thought, let alone a creative one, I really don't have the desire to do it most of the time. Writing makes me sleepy. Thinking about writing makes me sleepy. If I'm looking at a computer screen, the effect is magnified. (Note: this entry was conceived the old fashioned way, using a pen and a notebook and then transferred to cyberspace later.)

It's an incredibly cruel joke. Most of the time that I want to sleep, I'm prevented from doing so by the pain. As a result, my body often chooses to shut down at the most inopportune of times, like when I'm driving or trying to listen to a sermon at church. I wonder when my amusement with the frustration is going to end? Right now, I'm able to laugh at the pain and the curious alone time, albeit unconscionably uncomfortable alone time, that it affords me. I've actually come to look forward to the late night (correction: LATE late night) selections that television has to offer. Cartoon Network's Adult Swim has some particularly twisted viewing on tap (Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Stroker and Hoops, Assy McGee, Shin Chan). The nights that find me partially medicated make these a little extra interesting. I've even discovered that I can catch obscure episodes of The Proud Family or Kim Possible at around 3am.

The whole thing is a catch 22. Conventional wisdom says that perhaps my problem is being only partially medicated. Not so. First of all, I don't enjoy the way that the medication makes me feel, even when the twisted cartoons are involved. Secondly, the drugs don't do their job. More often than not, they mess with my head causing me to think of weird stuff and dream about even WEIRDER stuff, all the while still allowing me to endure the pain, even if in an altered state. Finally, , when I do take the full allotment of meds, they may actually deaden the pain but the narcotics cause my kidneys to work overtime and I end up getting up several times throughout the night to use the bathroom so I still don't sleep well. My patience for this too has run out. Let's hope I continue to stay amused and that the pain eventually stops.