Malbecs and Tannins and Oakiness...oh my!

I started reading a wine book recently to try to boost my knowledge of the tasty libation that so often accompanies my nice dinners. For years, I've chosen to wing it in this area and employing a hit or miss approach with minimal research done and recommendations taken. This has worked fairly well for me. I usually pick a pretty good bottle of wine at dinner. I do some light reading of the emails that I get from Canal's Bottleshop or Wine Access telling me what the latest deals are on reds, whites, sparklings, ports and everything in between, as well as how they scored according to the wine experts. But this is only a recent development for me. Previously, I was really shooting from the hip...and still gettin' it done.


One of my most memorable moments of being a trial and success wanna-be-wine-connoisseur happened a few years back in New Orleans. I was eating with a group of about 15 of my co-workers at the Hotel Monteleone on Royal Street inthe French Quarter and somehow was elected by the group to choose the wine. The sommelier had a few ideas about what we might like and what we "should" try, but I had ideas of my own. I chose something from the extensive wine list but the sommelier still decided to try to talk me out of it, so I humored him. He proceeded to bring out the wine and put on his show with his fancy corkscrew and special cloth while telling me that this wine scored a 96 last year and that I'd surely enjoy it. He poured it as if the liquid were going into a Golden Chalice or Holy Grail. I picked it up like it was strawbery lemonade with a silly straw in it. To humor him, I paused as I brought it to my nose, as if I knew what I might be smelling for in a fine wine. After counting to 2, I swirled it in the glass a couple times (or maybe I did that before smelling it) and then finally I tasted it. I was unimpressed. It was iiiiight.

The average brotha would've smiled politely and said, something pleasant and allowed the sommelier to finish his job and poor some for everyone, since the customer agreeing is so often a formality that becomes synonymous with a foregone conclusion. I threw him a curve though. Removing the glass from my lips and making a face that spoke of utter indifference, I told him, "No...let's try something else." The look on his face was priceless. It was as if I had just told him that food in New Orleans sucks and the music does too, and that Bourbon Street is just downright a little too boring for me. Everyone at the table was shocked as well. One of my co-workers also tasted it and agreed with me that it was nothing to write home about. But I kept a straight face and again mentioned the wine that I had originally selected.

As fate would have it the one that I selected had scored a 97, as the Sr. Sommelier would share with us when she accompanied the previous guy back to the table for his second visit. It was much better. My co-worker concurred. The Jr. Sommelier left in shame, looking back at me with disgust as he left the dining room. It was great.
I must have a nose for this. But I have no idea why.

So now I'm trying to find out why and how and what is what. This book is great. It's one of those pocket versions that boasts of having 101 essential tips that will make you a wino...er..um...no...wine expert. (I'm pretty sure wino doesn't work here.)

I'm not all the way through it, but I've learned a couple things already about different wine regions and different varieties of grapes so far. I got really excited when I got to a section about the descriptions of the flavors of wines. Admittedly, that's the part about wines that has me so perplexed. I can kind of understand a description like full-bodied (I've seen plenty of shampoo and haircare product commercials, and the movie Real Women have Curves...) but oakiness just doesn't compute to me, since I don't have any squirrel in my lineage.

As it turns out, many of the asinine associations have some scientific basis as identical chemical compounds are found in some of the items to which they are compared. So it sounds like this is going to be a process of making associations. I can think of worse things to do than sip wine and try to figure out what it tastes like. I can be creative. I can probably be even more creative when tipsy. Stay tuned for future entries as I further my education.