Every-ting is Every-TING!

Saturday December 8, 2007, 9:35pm

I just arrived at SFO to take a red-eye flight bound for Newark on Continental. Many times before, I've gone all the way to gate 32 for this flight only to discover that all food stands were closed. Feeling proactive, I opt for TGIFriday's just before going through security. It's nearly empty and I only want a grilled chicken caesar salad. This should be quick. My waiter, Enrico, bumbles around doing who knows what, making this whole process a take much longer than necessary. Irritated, I get through security and discover that they've added some new restaurants to this wing and that they're actually open. Go figure. Waiting to board, I spot a couple of my old nemeses. First, there's the chatty cell phone guy. He's talking so loud that folks in southern San Mateo County can hear him. He's talking like ol' folks, you know how your parents or grandparents yell into the phone when it's a long distance call? That's him. When we finally board, he'll undoubtedly be the guy that doesn't have a bluetooth, yet opts to continue, his cell phone wedged between shoulder and ear, stopping in the aisle, morphing into the proverbial fatty cholesterol blockage that halts progress down the plane's main artery, arresting the patience of all the tired passengers behind him.

Nemesis #2 is the one that all business travelers fear most. The crying baby. Being confronted with one of these is like encountering a grizzly bear at a campsite. You just want to be really still or play dead so they don't notice you. With the crying baby, you just pray that the seating gods don't put it within 15 rows of you. No such luck. To the complete the hat trick, there were no exit row seats available. So much for sleep.

Day 2: 12/9/07
Thank goodness my President's Club membership is still active. After inhaling some roast beef hash at Gallagher's Steakhouse in the Continental Terminal (mmm, mmm, Good!) I kicked it in the TV room in the President's Club. Always one of my favorite chill spots, I grabbed a couple pieces of fruit, some hot tea, the New York Times and sat in front of the big screen in one of the auditorium style easy chairs. Unfortunately, a couple kids(about 4 and 8) were fighting over the remote while their parents attended to other things. They just couldn't seem to come to a consensus. Can you blame them? Choosing between Spongebob and The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy is a tall order! These two little rascals were screaming and throwing stuff while some weary travelers tried in vain to catch quick naps in some of the chairs.

The Continental magazine had a feature on Zihuatanejo, some restaurants in Miami, and the nuances of Single Malt and blended Scotch. Did you know that for a whisky (it's whisky for them, not whiskey) to be labeled scotch it must be produced solely in Scotland? Now you do! Note to self: conduct some research on this single malt vs. blended business and see if my taste buds can make the distinction....

Finally in Nassau, I got into it briefly with a cab driver that seemed to be charging me more than the published fare from the airport, AND making me pay the toll to get across the bridge, but I decided to be easy, relax, and fall into an island groove. No worries…

I checked into the Atlantis and took a quick stroll around the grounds. This place is SPECTACULAR! I found my way to the aqua blue water and fine white sand and decided that I could officially die now...or go back home. That’s all I needed to make the trip worthwhile (well, that and some conch fritters). Everything else is just gravy now.

I got in touch with some family friends that lived at the One and Only Ocean Club, also on Paradise Island, and was invited to a football party. I know what you’re thinking. Well, I have a few ideas of what you’re thinking. None of them are true. There were not a bunch of couch potatoes sitting around eating Doritos, and drinking MGD, and keeping a close watch on what each member of their respective fantasy rosters was doing that day. On the flip side of that, there were not a bunch of American Football illiterate islanders rooting for very random teams and just being happy and excited. This was by no means an ordinary football party.

First of all, for those not in the know, the Ocean Club contains a collection of estates where Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, Rick Fox (a native Bahamian) and others of note keep residences. To say that it is breathtaking is an understatement. Remember the Vintage Club in Palm Springs that I underscored in my 10/8/07 post on ‘Destinations’ <http://destinationswithdestah.blogspot.com/2007/10/searching-for-subway.html> ? Well, imagine that on an island! The house was so spectacular that I think I might have been excited about having polite conversation, eating crumpets and drinking tea there. But football too!?? Are you serious? This house was very Hollywood Hills-ish…very poppin’ bottles with models, eatin’ clams and mussels, yachting around Biscayne Bay-ish. Funny story: I found out that what I enjoyed most as a unique feature (stairs with no rails) was actually due to not being able to find somebody locally that knew how to install the rails that had been ordered. Whatever the case, I thought it was cool. I guess I’ve just cemented my fate. I’ll never work on HGTV. But, I digress. The party. There was plenty of food and easily 30 people in attendance for a random Sunday. Week 14…not Superbowl Sunday. The Jets were playing the Browns, for cryin’ out loud! The feature game was Patriots vs. Steelers and ironically was played on the 32” flat screen while the Jets were on the 60”. There were folks wearing Colts jerseys, Browns jerseys, and Raiders gear as well. There was even some representation for the 0-13 Miami Dolphins. By the way, did I mention that besides myself there were maybe a total of 4 or 5 other men? Yes, this was a group of some 20+ football crazed women ranging in age from 25 to 65 that place a weekly wager and get together at somebody’s house for food, drinks, and football. A great first day in the Bahamas, indeed.

DAY 3: Monday December 10, 2007
Making up for the very short slumber (and even shorter on quality!) I slept for almost 13 hours before getting up to hit the Marketplace Restaurant in Atlantis’ Royal Towers for the breakfast buffet. Overall, the food was pretty good, but the fruit spread was rather disappointing, especially for the $27/head price tag.

Later, I paid $3 and boarded the ferry that went from Paradise Island to Nassau for a trip that would span about 20 minutes. It runs every 30 minutes and is much more reasonable than the $10-$15 taxi rides to the downtown shopping district. In addition, this ride was quite educational as tour guide Clarence Leon Williamson was holding court. (No, I do not use the man’s middle name to suggest a certain notoriety like they would for every crackpot that takes his assault rifle into the Piggly Wiggly or shopping mall, but for 2 reasons. One, that’s how he introduced himself, and the second will become apparent by his manner of speech that I will explain shortly). A baritone voiced older gentleman, Mr. Williamson could perhaps be a not-so-distant relative to Isaac Hayes with his bald head and deep dark brown skin adorned in a natty white linen short set. With the cadence of the New York Yankees Public Address announcer (“Batting first, batting first…number 2, number 2, …Derek Jeter, Derek Jeter) and pronunciation that was 1 part Luca Brazzi and 2 parts Buju Banton, Clarence pointed out Oprah’s house, Eddie Murphy’s private island, and Anna Nicole’s hospital and shared other interesting facts. For instance, the Atlantis has a suite for the King of Pop himself, that can be reserved for $25,000 per night for a minimum of 4 nights.

After some browsing through the Straw Market I made it over to the Fish Fry where the locals kick it after work to delight in some conch fritters and steamed grouper. For entertainment that evening, I lucked out and was able to catch free screenings of a couple movies as part of the 4th Annual Bahamas International Film Festival. The first was called South of Pico about tensions running high in Los Angeles when the stresses of 4 people’s individual lives converge in a single moment. The second was a foreign film with subtitles called Mars and Venus, like the book about men and women.

DAY 4: Tuesday December 11, 2007
I’m over the almost complete lack of cell service and internet access around here. I figured out a way to save a buck on a reasonable breakfast at a place called Anthony’s Grille, just off the grounds of Atlantis before heading back into town. I must have a knack for finding the good local eat spots because I found another one on this day in Brother Eddie’s Kitchen on the corner of Elizabeth and Bay Streets. Walking down Bay Street, I noticed many of the non-tourists heading into this establishment from a few blocks away, so I proceeded to have my own look. Brother Eddie did not disappoint as the Curry Chicken, Rice and Peas, and Plantains were excellent. I washed it down with some ginger beer. Before catching the ferry back to Paradise Island I stopped to get some of the souvenirs that I didn’t feel like carrying yesterday.

I got back late in the afternoon and practically RAN to the beach. The clear blue water beckoned and I couldn’t get there fast enough. Just as my toes hit the water I was stopped in my tracks quite literally, however. It wasn’t too cold. It was actually almost warm like a bathtub. I stopped because just at that moment two stingrays swam directly in front of me in no more than 2 feet of water. It was quite the surreal experience, as these beautiful black creatures with their glorious 4 feet wingspans glided gracefully through the water with the insouciance of young love birds out for a stroll through a meadow, seemingly immune to the rough surf and crashing waves that would proceed to knock me down a few times after they were gone. I didn’t want to go out like the Crocodile Hunter, so I hung back and admired them from a safe distance at the water’s edge, following them down the beach until they went into deeper water. How lucky is that though?

The evening was capped off with a fine dining experience at Chez Willie’s back in town. I had planned to check out the Bahamian Club at Atlantis, but it, like various establishments on the grounds was not open every day during the low season.

DAY 5: December 12, 2007
Get up and go home! I woke up in a bit of a panic as I noticed the clock radio flashing like there had been a power outage. Fearing that I had overslept, I tried to call the operator, but the phones were malfunctioning as well. After toggling the receiver a few times, I finally got a dial-tone and was able to reach the operator. I got dressed, hit Anthony’s again, and headed to the airport. I got the same cab driver as the night before on the way to Chez Willie’s, and we chatted about dinner.

Now I’m almost mid-way through the 2nd leg of my flight home (Newark to SFO), and then it’s back to the grind…and the COLD! It’s a good thing that I put my sweats back on when I boarded the flight.