Bless this Mess...

Sitting here at my desk, a moment ago, I laughed aloud at myself. I must be some sort of bumbling nutty professor or something like that the way my workspace is in shambles. I’ve got papers strewn all across the desk, more on the floor next to the chair and more still over on my bed. A hefty stack of unopened mail sits atop the glass shelves that connect to the workspace. A pair of Harmon/Kardon speakers serve as paper weights for all of paper clutter. I thought buying a new desk and comfortable chair were supposed to make me more productive, more official. I’m not feeling more productive. The chair is comfortable though and at least it doesn’t make me want to take a nap like laying on the couch with my laptop does.

If you walked in, you might say I look busy. You might even call me downright immersed in some heavy-duty project. So involved am I that I don’t even have time to stop and straighten any of this out. This would be cute at work. People would walk by and say, “Man! That guy is on it! He’s got a lot going on…,” as they hurried back to their cubicles and curtailed their incessant trips to the coffee machine for some mindless small talk. My mess inspires people at work. Well, maybe not. It’s a nice thought though. At least it puts them on notice that somebody actually does occupy that workspace, lest they get any ideas about commandeering any of my tools or supplies, or think about making room for some new employee to work there. At my last place of employment, I had built up quite a sculpture for all to admire as they walked by. Using the two reams of paper that propped up my flat screen monitor to make it more ergonomically correct as a virtual pin cushion of sorts, I placed all useless business cards so that they stick out from the edge, fanned out in an abstract, neo-classic paper sculpture. These business cards, varied in quality, color, and even language, are obtained during the many meetings that I attend all over the world during the obligatory card exchange that begins each one. Were it not for this work of art, these cards would have very little usefulness or life expectancy, traveling from hand-to-hand and then to my pocket or computer bag and maybe to the nightstand at my hotel or the round file.

The domestic cards are pretty boring. They are usually to the point in a Men In Black sort of way, giving only pertinent information such as title, phone number, email and maybe contain the company’s emblem. Equally boring was the manner in which they were presented to me initially as well. Often just tossed across the table or handed very nonchalantly and without any eye contact or anything. Sometimes they’re just set on the large conference table like hors d’oevres at a holiday party with the expectation that you’ll grab one of each during a fly-by before landing in your seat. Not so for the Asian ones. They range from the very ornate to the ones crammed with way too much information. Some boast very important titles like Grand General Manager or something else that translates to middle management in my parlance, while others profess to be involved in all things commerce. I recall one that not only listed Optical Fiber Installations, Internet Services, and Wireless Applications, but also Dredging, Banquet Services , Aerating, and Notary Public. Even more exciting is the manner in which they are presented.

It should be noted that failure to adhere to the proper procedure here is a major breach of International business etiquette and might lead to the premature demise of a deal or worse…an International incident! In my experience, it is customary for one to bow when presenting their card (referred to as Name Card, not business card) . The exchange differs slightly from culture to culture though. For instance, in Japan and China they bow humbly, eyes to the floor as if addressing royalty, and hand the card with both hands, while in Malaysia they also bow but extend only one hand with the card, placing the other one behind the elbow of the extended arm (think of a hapless smoker taking a break from work, again, holding cancer stick with one hand, other hand embracing themselves for warmth or posture or who know why…). This even extends past name cards to things like credit cards or room keys. I remember being startled when the lady at the registration desk handed my both my room keys and credit cards to me in this fashion. I probably gave a sheepish thank you, with a dumb look on my face, while attempting to mimic her routine. Well, that’s enough on the international business etiquette lessons for today.

I’ve got some cleaning to do. We’ll see if my productivity thrives in the sterile environment that I hope to create in here. Okay, perhaps sterile is too strong. How about military clean? I’m reminded of one of my former co-workers named Harry who was an Army Sargeant before joined the corporate ranks. He was one of the nicest guys you’ll ever meet, but that didn’t exempt him from the sophomoric shenanigans of myself and other playful co-workers on a daily basis. Completely juxtaposed to my workspace, Harry’s was absolutely pristine. All papers were neatly filed, all pens placed in the proper receptacle and any extraneous trinkets had a very distinct place as well. He was particularly fond of a fancy Cross pen set with something engraved on them. If memory serves me correctly, the pens were always placed completely perpendicular with the edge of the desk and directly below some military emblem-type shield. Just for kicks, we would move one of the pens about a quarter-inch off its straight line just to see if he would notice. Like clockwork, whenever Harry returned to his cubicle, the first thing he would do is restore that pen to its proper position. Harry was true man of precision, even down to the razor sharp crease he would put in his Lee jeans. Buddy Lee would be proud.

Parting thought: Hopefully, my creativity and passion for random thoughts and useless information will not be harmed by The Great Workspace Transformation.