It Ain't Easy being Green

When I was a kid the only possible cause to be wearing green was March 17th, so as to avoid the severe pinching attacks that would surely come your way if you were unable to produce at least a green stripe on a sock or a dollar bill in your pocket. Otherwise, green was very uncool. With the possible exception of my Oakland A’s, there were no green clad teams whose gear bought you any street cred, when you “rocked” it on the school yard.

The Green Bay Packers were the ultimate in boring, tucked way up there in Wisconsin heaped in all of their tradition and history and Opey Cunningham-ness. This was, of course, well before Bret Favre made them hip again with all of his gunslinging and constant jawing back and forth with relentless defensive linemen. The Jets weren’t terribly popular outside of the New York area. The absolute kings of un-cool, the Monarchs of Milquetoast, the veritable Tsunamis of Square were none other than the hated Boston Celtics.

I’m sure they weren’t hated in the New England area, but they definitely weren’t beloved on the West Coast. Keep in mind, this was the Starter jacket era and everywhere you went, you’d see a colorful team jacket or hat. The real cool kids had a Sixers jacket, either the red one or the white one if you were really one of those stylish kids, probably also wearing your Adidas Superstars and maybe even some fat laces. Bulls gear was popular, as was Knicks and even the red and gold of Atlanta made popular by Dominique Wilkins. I can even recall seeing a Spurs jacket, all silver with black writing, reppin’ the Ice Man, George Gervin. You’d get extra props for something like this as it showed your edginess as you payed homage to a player that had much more style and flair than victories. Around my way, the Showtime Lakers, coincidentally outfitted in gold were the proverbial gold standard for Starter gear.


Easily the most dazzling combination with its regal purple upon gold and white, everybody wanted to wear what Magic wore. We even wore the the white, purple, and gold Converse Weapons, the ugliest shoe ever known to man (well, maybe second after the Spike Lee and Tim Hardaway endorsed shoe from Nike, with the straps and the “I got Skillz” tagline in the commercial). You might see a lot of things, but you’d never see a kid wearing anything with Celtics across their chest.
The antithesis of style and cool, everything about the Celtics was bland. Call it tradition, but they wore (and basically still do wear) the same plain white uniforms with the plain block green script that they have always worn. The shorts that their players wore seemed EXTRA short and unflattering. There was nothing cool about the Boston Celtics, except of course all that winning. But that just made us all hate them even more.

Luckily, Frankenstein, the Chief and Larry Legend got old.

When they left, the victories left with them, faster than the ball off the bat of Bucky F#@$!n Dent. The once mighty Celtics spiraled down further than anyone could have imagined, closing Boston Garden and managing only 15 wins during a season in the mid-90s, and losing 18 in a row last season.

Larry Bird is not walking through that door, fans. Kevin McHale is not walking through that door, and Robert Parish is not walking through that door. And if you expect them to walk through that door, they're going to be gray and old. What we are is young, exciting, hard-working, and we're going to improve. People don't realize that, and as soon as they realize those three guys are not coming through that door, the better this town will be for all of us because there are young guys in that (locker) room playing their asses off.

– Frustrated Celtics Coach Rick Pitino, delivered this famous quote during a post game press conference.

But in 2007, 11-time all-star Kevin Garnett and sharp shooting 7-time all-star Ray Allen walked through the door and suddenly the Celtics have a swagger again. There’s suddenly talk of a championship…THIS YEAR. Teamed with Paul Pierce, The Big Ticket and Mr. Jesus Shuttlesworth do make you an instant contender to be sure, but who could’ve predicted that Gang Green could be en vogue!?? I’ve noticed a sharp increase in Celtic colors at the gym. Guys that I’ve known for years, and that would formerly be seen only in red and black or purple and gold are now showing off their Celtic Pride. These are guys, mind you, that have never been to Boston…wouldn’t know Beantown from Cape Town. Indeed anything is possible. Maybe I’ll even go out and buy myself a Marcus Allen Raiders jersey.