Excuses are like...

I just got home from playing in the alumni basketball game at my high school. I'd love to tell you that we showed those youngsters that they've still got plenty to learn. We were horrible. We couldn't get the ball up the court. We kicked it when we should've dribbled it. We were hopelessly bound to the ground. It most certainly wasn't cute.

I was the elder statesman of the group, more than 7 years the senior of the next oldest guy. We looked like a million bucks in warm-ups, rattling the rim, and strokin' it from beyond the arc. Perhaps we warmed up for too long, because we ran out of gas in a hurry. The game sure seemed to move fast. And those dunks and 3 pointers? Negative.

On the bright side, I left without being injured. In fact, all of us did. I felt my hamstrings and achilles tendon tugging at me a few times, but it was just a scare. I'll blame it on the traffic. Yeah, I'm talking about traffic. Not the game. Traffic! There were accidents all over the place. I was in my car for 90 minutes when I left work. Yeah, that's what happened. It was the traffic. Furthermore, it was too humid today, and that moisture in the air made it hard to warm up. The barometric pressure made it difficult for the ball to get through the hoop. The crystal clear vision that I now have after successful lasik surgery is way too sensitive to the very brigtht, newly installed flourescent lights that weren't there when I was a student there. That place was like a dungeon before. Well, actually it wasn't. It has always been one of the nicer gyms around. Okay, hang on a second as I gather myself and try to come up with a better excuse to replace that one.

Oh, I got it. Let's try washed up on for size. As much as I hate to admit it, the game is not quite where it used to be. When called out on that, however, I'll reply with "I've lost more game than you've EVER had", serving the dual-purpose of making me feel better and dissin' whoever its recipient is. Well, that's enough on that subject.

Tomorrow morning I do battle against more youngsters, but this time there will be a little more parity to the match-ups. The parents will take on their 10 year old daughters in a grudge match on the soccer field at 930am sharp. Wish me luck.