The Aftermath

I found out today that the USC Trojans lost to Oregon State last night. I feel like I was in a coma and when I woke up everyone had long since been over the shock of the whole thing to the point that it wasn't even news anymore. It would've been all that they talked about on every station. All day it has felt like life went on without me and I was not missed.

Where was I? Well, I stepped into a vacuum in the universe known as the emergency room at Summit Hospital in Oakland. What a surreal experience this place was. The same set of characters seemed to be present, but there were no metal detectors to walk through like there are at Kaiser. I found parking rather easily, and hobbled my 1-crutch totin' self on into the registration area. Before I could really get myself into a comfortable position in the chair, the triage nurse had called my name.

This was an interesting character who kept making me laugh even though I was doubled over in pain, and he looked like one of my cousins. I stepped out of this chamber of comedy and found a seat close by at the urging of Senor Triage. I was amazed at how many open seats there were in this place. What kind of emergency room was this? Had I fallen asleep in Downtown Oakland and awakened in Mayberry? There was hardly anybody there and yet a really chatty gentleman named Warren decided to sit right next to me. Okay, not RIGHT right next to me, but just on the other side of an end table about 2 feet wide that held several magazines and a Sporting Green from the day's San Francisco Chronicle. Immediately, Warren starts to peer at the newspaper that I was reading to pass the time, almost leaning into my lap to read.

"Let me get that when you're done," he said

"Oh sure, no problem," I said, counting no less than 15 seats in my direct line of sight without turning my head a single degree in either direction. Warren proceeded to talk, and rather loudly, about the Raiders, the Yankees, John McCain, his knucklehead nephew, his bad feet, and again his nephew. Don't get me wrong, he was a nice guy, I was just feeling like I wanted to sit there and die peacefully, wallowing in my own self-pity for my last few pathetic moments. He reminded me of a lighter-skinned, bald-headed version of the late Bernie Mac and his voice was every bit as booming.

"DEXTER OWENS?"

Saved! I was again amazed at how fast the proceedings were going here. I was called by somebody else to go through some additional paperwork. Five minutes after that I was being whisked into the next room to get the IV hooked up and have some blood drawn. Yeah...an IV. Oh, I got ahead of myself. I apparently picked the wrong day to eat some turkey salad from the Safeway deli and it did quite a number on my stomach. Since I was not yet feeling well at the 24 hour mark since eating this salmonella salad I decided to seek some medical attention.

What a frightening proposition this was! This was the first time that I have needed medical care RIGHT NOW and could not just stroll into to Kaiser, aka the devil I know. Although I would have to endure the indignity of that metal detector and probably stand because their emergency room is so crowded, at least I knew where to go. I had to get some friends to look up some info for me on the internet while I drove in the direction of the hospital.

I'm happy to report that I survived (so far, although I have only consumed chicken broth today) and lived to tell about it. Sure, I was hooked up to an IV for 2 hours, and didn't get home until almost 5 hours after I had arrived, but I felt a little better when I left. It's amazing how much better this PPO stuff is than Kaiser. Maybe it has something to do with getting the bill in the mail at a later date. I'll let you know if I'm still so high on them when it arrives.