As is so often the case, I was driving my car today with the low fuel warning beaming at me like a spotlight. Times are hard and I like to stretch out each tank of gas as far as possible in hopes that it will make my little bit of money seem a little bit longer. Who am I kidding? Even when I'm not broke I routinely respect the "E" on my gas gauge about as much as L.A. motorists do the red light upon which many of them choose to not only complete their left turns but also initiate them, knowing full well that they had no business trying to make a left turn when the light had been red for that long. When I'm not broke. Wow...when was that?
Well, like it or not, broke definitely sums up what I am at this point. I'm jobless and just about penniless at this point, at least until the next unemployment check comes my way. The economy is indeed bad, and I, along with everyone else around is feeling it. At least I have a place to sleep and a car to drive though. I really feel for those that have had to give up their homes and take to life on the streets. There but by the grace of God, and my credit cards, go I.
I feel like such a fraud. Well, maybe not a fraud. That is a bit harsh as I'm not trying to get over or take advantage of anybody with my little charade. It may look like I've got it all together, but that's just my perverting of the gospel of brother Paul Laurence Dunbar: wearing that mask. This is probably not what he meant though. Perhaps I'm more like Soviet power during the Cold War. My clean clothes, my car, my fresh fade, my smile and confident swagger are merely fresh, brightly colored coats of paint to cover up the rust and decay of finances long since weakened to the point of near crumbling before your eyes. Maybe it's working, my facade, or maybe folks are just kind enough to not call me on it and choosing to smile and "keep it moving" instead. Maybe I'm selling it. Somebody's buying it. I think.
As I pulled into the Chevron gas station on Telegraph Avenue about mid day, I hardly lamented at all about the few more stones that I would be adding to my mountain of debt by filling my tank courtesy of the good folks at Chase Bank. I'm almost numb to it at this point. The running tally in my head has surely exceeded what I think it is, but I'm in the ballpark at least. I put the car in park and fumbled for the aforementioned credit card as I stepped out of the car toward the pump number 2. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed a thin, haggard looking woman in a red jacket approaching. We exchanged pleasantries and I braced myself for the request that would undoubtedly come next.
"I'm not going to ask you for any change, brotha...,"
"That's a relief," I thought to myself, feeling bad that I had no coins to offer her even if she did wanted them. I smiled and let her continue, being sure to give her the proper respect due and looking her in the eye.
"I've been living in the park with my twins for about the last year and a half and I haven't eaten in about 3 days so I was wondering if you could just get me something to eat? Qwik way is right there."
I thought this a wonderful idea, but told her that I was pretty sure that they didn't take credit cards over there. The two of us looked around at all of the adjacent corners and briefly discussed the possibility of Taco Bell and what she'd like from their menu. She said that she didn't really know since she hadn't been in there in some time. Meanwhile, the pump was not cooperating so I was not putting gas into the tank. Getting frustrated as the gael-force winds were blowing right through me, I headed inside the station to have the attendant run my card. The lady followed me in there and said that she would be happy to get something from the mini-mart, which was just fine with me.
I ended up charging a chili cheese dog, a drink, and a couple of cookies for her and then she thanked me as we both walked out by my car again. She had a big smile on her face as she walked away and turned back once again to say, "take care, Handsome" as she headed out toward the sidewalk. I smiled too and then got back in my car as the gas continued to pour into my tank.
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