Spare Change

I get asked for spare change everyday. It always reminds me of a comedy routine by Chris Rock (I think it was Chris Rock?) when he tells the panhandler to get a spare job. I'm not ready to go asking for spare change, but I sure am thinking about a spare job lately.

I don't know what I could do though. I'm trying to be open minded, but my job criteria will probably be my undoing in the end. I don't want to (and can't) quit my day job, so I need something that I can do at night. I would like to get paid pretty well. I would like to work a most nights, but I need to be able to be unreliable. My day job sends me out of town sometimes, so I need to be able to go do stuff like that and have my employer be cool with that. I would like to be a "stop-gap" for some employer, but also be added to a schedule when I feel like working. I know. This sounds pathetic. I was laughing at my teen-aged niece for the same type of criteria a year or two ago. One of my boys got a kick out of it the other night too, when I was bouncing ideas off him.

We came up with a couple of ideas though. Maybe I could work at UPS or Fedex or something. They have odd hours, and usually keep lots of part-time employees. Manual labor may not be that big of a deal as long as I don't keep hurting my back or getting other nagging injuries. It might pay pretty well though. But I don't know how'd they be on the whole unreliable thing. If I had to go out of town for a week or so, would they let me return to work? I think not.

Waiting tables came up too. However, do you think that my tall lanky body would negotiate its way very successfully through a crowded restaurant while carrying food and drinks? Perhaps. I think I could get the attentive part down. But I don't know about being fast when I'm carrying a tray of food. And, again, would I really be able to go away for a week or so and have them be cool with that? Probably not. Getting tips would be nice though.

Bartender seems plausible. In fact, that's the sexiest of the jobs that we came up with. Apparently, the tips are pretty good if you're at a popular spot too. However, I have about as much experience mixing drinks as I do mixing whites and darks in the laundry. I don't know what kind of bartender I'd be though. I can't imagine that I'd do too well as one of those guys pouring drinks for some poor sap that wants to spill his guts as I keep his shot glass full. Playing psychiatrist for some stranger in a dive bar doesn't sound like my type of hype. Nor can I imagine having to enforce any rules to some late night drunks that I have to put out into the street so we can close the doors for a few hours. I fashion myself being at a cool club, but who is really in the market for a tall male bartender? Most of the ones I see when I'm out at the hot spots are of the sexy female variety. Yet again, the issue of my being unreliable in stretches would probably be an issue. What to do...what to do?

I don't know. Maybe I'll run a lemonade stand on the corner out in front of my building. I'm sure the other frequent residents of that piece of real estate wouldn't mind the variety that my offering would provide. The cops would probably be suspicious too. Oh well, back to the brainstorming drawing board. Let's home for a good storm. Probably a perfect storm, because that's what will probably be necessary for me to find the type of perfect part-time job that I describe above.